Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The Funny Farm

I think I'm going crazy.

Joshua is making me crazy.

I know something is not "right" with him, but I don't know exactly what

or what to do about it.

We don't have a doctor, we go to the Urgent Care 30 minutes away since none of the doctors in Fallon are covered on our insurance.

So, I don't have one to ask about the issues I'm having with Joshua.

This kid is something else. He's wild. He makes people cry.

He doesn't stop moving (except when he's watching Cars). Helping him get to sleep at nap time and bedtime is terribly hard.

I fall asleep at nap time and by bedtime I'm worn to a pulp, I can't really function anymore.

Tonight I put him down. He sleeps with Ben on the bottom bunk. He had his sippy of milk and his special blankie. He seemed to be sleepy enough, but about 10 minutes (okay maybe only 5, I only got some of my dishes done) later I hear a smack and then he cries. I went to the bedroom and apparently Joshua hit Ben in the nose. For no reason. It's what he does. So, I had to try and lay with him, but he wouldn't lay down and kept touching both me and

Ben. Every time I tried to leave he would sit up and call, "mommy?" From the time I put him in his bed, until the time he finally fell asleep was about 45 minutes. Not terrible, but hard when I'm the "single" mom for the night and he and I have been together since wake-up.

I was kicked in the face, by him, at least twice today, once when changing his diaper and also when helping him sleep. He made my mom cry yesterday. He didn't want his poopy diaper changed. He threw his tantrum and it was enough to upset her. Plus, when that was over, he continued to return to her to show his anger by hitting at her or throwing things. That is 100% typical. And it makes me sad.

I used to judge people who had children that were a little more difficult. I didn't even like their children. Now that I have one of those children I feel guilty for my judgements and so much more understanding. That being said, I figure everyone that doesn't have a difficult child is judging me and doesn't like Joshua. I know, I know, not everyone is as bad as me. I don't like to ask anyone to watch him. But, I also don't like to take him anywhere.

So, my latest desire is to take my family and live in a bubble. A place where we can all work together to figure this out. A bigger house would be nice, too.

I cry often about all of this. I pray often, too. I "weary" the Lord with my pleas. I'm learning that I need to be proactive. I need to do my part, not just ask. But, I guess I'm still a bit clueless as to what my part is.

As he fell asleep tonight, I tried to picture him as a spirit child of Heavenly Father. I look forward to the day when we can be friends and I hope that can happen in this earth life.

For now, I'm working on loving him, being patient but firm, and trying desperately to remain sane.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Ben's 1st annual Blog

Hello,this is Ben speaking here last night me and dad went to a UNR football game at the Mackay stadium. Here is the first part of the story,one day the phone rang ,it was dad he said that he bought 2 tickets to a football game. He asked me if I wanted to go i said YES! He also said that if I didn't want to go he would ask Sarah if she wanted to go. Well here I am waiting the day we were going it took a while but I still cared. On the way dad showed me the tickets,they looked cool. It said Nevada VS Las Vegas. When we got there (to Reno) we had to find a parking space,it took a while (a long time). The parking space was a long ways away from the stadium so we had to walk there a long ways away. It took us not that long to get there,but when we got there we figured out that we had seats in the sun. so we took turns using dad's hat.
It finally got dark and we were in the lead but, sadly, Las Vegas had nothing. The first three shots of the cannon i figured out that the cannon not only shot smoke but confetti.

At the end (almost the end)of the game we had 36 points and Las Vegas had 0,on one of the plays we got a TOUCHDOWN! the board said NEVADA:37 Las Vegas:0 and the game was almost over there were 23 more sec. in the 4th qr. we were about half way to getting a touchdown the sec. were gone and everyone who was at the sides of the field where the field goals were started jumping off the side line and crowding the wolf pack cheering there was a huge crowd on the big screen.

Now to finish the story when we got back to the car dad said ''Ben's about to taste the best chicken,biscuits,onion rings,ranch and fries in the whole world'' I said ''where is that'' he said its at Popeye's I said ''we going there'' he said ''yes''.When we got there we ordered the you know what.Dad and I were stuffed. we finally got home with our confetti. Now we've caught up to the future.


Thursday, October 6, 2011

A ringing phone

The phone just rang. Whoever was calling hung up before I got to it. We don’t have caller I.D. and I will be wondering , for the rest of the night, “who called”? I don’t know why I have that kind of obsession. If you know me at all, you know that I’m not a huge phone-talking kind of gal. I hate making phone calls of my own, but when you call me that’s a different story. I remember racing to answer the phone as a youth. Wanting to be the first to pick up the phone and sometimes knocking down a sibling in the effort. I was appalled that things didn’t run the same in my husbands family. The phone would ring. . . .. . And nobody moved. What?! Don’t you want to know who’s calling?
And can you imagine my feelings as a college student when the phone would ring? I’m sure it wasn’t often for me, but there was still a thrill in the answering of it. I went on my mission to Oklahoma and have some very fond phone memories. Calls from the district leader -for numbers, zone leader -to encourage me, mission president, even his wife -inviting us to a sleepover and play day. Or the call from a less-active telling us her husband was ready to get baptized.
Then there were the days of dating and engagement. I remember a long late-night conversation with Kannon during a thunderstorm. Our phone calls were truly how we became acquainted and fell in love. Our long-distance engagement of 16 months wouldn’t have been the same without the nightly phone calls.
Two weeks before our wedding I moved out of my apartment and into what would be our first home together. We had finished putting the house together and were chatting on the couch when the phone rang. The phone was down the hall and I jumped up and onto the coffee table, fully intending to land gracefully on the other side, in order to be the one to answer the first phone call in our new home. Things didn’t go as planned and I slipped coming off the table and landed on the side of my foot, tearing a ligament off the top of it. Lying on the floor in agonizing pain, the first words out of my mouth were, “go get the phone!” It was imperative that Kannon answer the phone and find out who was calling. (If you care, it was my mother-in-law, who promptly came over to help and called the stake president who was a podiatrist.) I was in a boot and on crutches till the day before our wedding.

Just today, I yelled at my sweet daughter to come and answer the phone
(my hands were covered in the process of bottling pears). Because heaven forbid the answering machine should pick up!
Benjamin and another boy had some trouble at school a few weeks ago. They had a substitute teacher and as she was busy reading to the class, her cell phone was ringing in her purse. One of the boys in the class must have issues like mine, because his first instinct was to answer her phone for her. Ben wanted to find out what was going on and went to check it out. These actions caused the two boys to lose recess for the next week. What a traumatic experience that was for the boy who just wanted to answer the phone for his teacher. I feel his pain!
I don’t know why I have this strange fixation. You’d think it would be enough to prompt the purchase of a phone plan with caller I.D. But, it’s rare that I don’t get to the phone when I’m home and if it rings when I’m gone and no one leaves a message, well, then I didn’t even know they called, right? So, for now, we’ll shelve this problem and save it for the psychiatrist I will never be able to afford. Until then, happy ringing!