I've had some seriously "psycho" days. Well, not the days, but ME! Ask my family, I've been bad. It kind of started Saturday night. I was just feeling underappreciated. I had spent a lot of time taking care of the family - dinner, baths, preparing for Sundays crockpot, etc. I also needed to prepare my lesson. I made breakfast on Sunday morning (careful not to feed Sarah yeast or Ben eggs, as those were the allergies we were clearing). Then on to finishing up the crockpot preparations. I kept getting interrupted by the kids or the phone and was getting a little ticked (still not sure WHY). Kannon was relaxing in bed, reading. That's how most Sunday mornings go. I work and he sleeps (takes at least one nap each sun. am.) I finally told him how I felt. So, he was kind enough to get the kids dressed for church (2 1/2 hours earlier than we had to be there!) I ended up having to take Sarah's dress off and put on again for lunch. Our meetings actually went really good and I was feeling good. I put a lot of effort into listening to the speakers and teachers and felt that my lesson went well. I stayed for choir and Kannon took the kids home. (He held onto Sarah while I found Ben. Then I took them out to the car -keep in mind it was 95 degrees then! - he said he'd be right out - I even double-asked him! At least 7-10 minutes later he came out. I was late for choir and feeling annoyed, but let it go) When I got home I quickly got dinner on the table and called everyone in. Nobody was really eating, picking and complaining, and that sure added to my feelings of being unappreciated. Kannon told me they had eaten some snacks when they got home from church. Now, I don't want anyone going hungry, but I wish they'd eaten the dinner instead of the snacks and not worried about waiting for me. So, I moped and complained and was basically eating alone. My emotional eating was setting in, too, and I was going to eat everything on the table! Not really but I felt like it! Ben said he'd stay with me til I was done, but I was too cranky to want him around. Then, because of the whole emotional thing, I cooked up a batch of brownies, and after they were done and the home teachers left, I ate them. Well, not all of them, but at least 3 or 4. I was sure being pouty. All evening! Monday day was fine - but when Kannon came home and didn't want to take Ben to soccer, and I had to again, even though I've been doing it all season - I got mad again. I was mad all night. Yesterday went a little better, but I was still a little stand-offish with everyone. I did get to go to our enrichment night, it was sorely needed. We had a great reminder of the Proclamation to the World http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=e1fa5f74db46c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=1aba862384d20110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1&contentLocale=0
and I've really been trying to get the spirit back in my life, so a lot of things were just what I needed to hear. Plus, we had a great sister, one that I've always admired, talk to the younger mothers about . . . . well, life. That it's not easy. Her youngest is on his mission and she says she wouldn't want to live any of that again. She shared some of her journal entries from the young motherhood days and they sounded so much like my days. You have the good and the bad. She reminded us to always turn to the Lord. This is her advice:
1-Believe in what you're doing. Basically know that being a mother is the most important thing you could be doing.
2- Take care of yourself.
- Take time for yourself - she said find that one thing that you just love to do, that you lose track of time doing. I don't have that yet.
- Female friends
- Relief Society
3- Don't be so hard on yourself.
4- Ask for Heavenly Father's help.
5- Don't overschedule.
6 - Joy comes in moments.
I felt buoyed up and didn't even get mad when the kids were still up and fussing about going to bed. Today's been okay, but unproductive. I did read my scriptures this morning. I've done that all week. Brother Hyde said that when he had young children, the impression came to him one day when they had not read scriptures "it doesn't matter how successful you are at work today because you've failed to read the scriptures with your family". And the next day after reading them with his family "it doesn't matter what failures you have today, because you have succeeded in having scripture study". I rededicate myself to choosing the right. To doing all of those little things that will bring the spirit into my home and my life. One thing I read while preparing my lesson said that our lives are really about showing how self-disciplined we are. Everything we do or don't do comes down to how willing we were to Do it! I know there are some situations and even illnesses where that might not apply. But, it does apply in my life. And I choose to be disciplined.
As a side-note, some of the mood swing feelings could be from the progesterone cream I'm using. I'd been getting headaches that I felt were related to my use. My friend Julie did some testing for me and said I wasn't using enough, thus the headaches. So, I've been using more of it and I know that the body kind of goes through a detox kind of thing, other ladies I know have had similar results. They will go away! But, I sure feel sorry for my family in the meantime!
S'moresey Ice Cream Cake
6 years ago